Contre le Verre
by Yuzuriha
Summary: Subaru confronts his beautiful face against the study of glass. Things are curiouser and curiouser..


CONTRE LE VERRE  
  
[against glass]  
  
  
  
  
  
Faced with the sheer drop of height that the reflective, glass window presented  
  
with ease, the greatest onmyouji of the age fell with no trouble at all to the floor.  
  
  
  
Graciously the wood ran up to meet him. Smells, smells of rotten food poised by  
  
the door for weeks drifted and filled his senses with vile evidence. Subaru's stomach  
  
clenched in fear of the long abandoned nourishment. The sight of food filled his  
  
heart with revulsion and desperate need at the same time.  
  
  
  
/"I've got to eat.. I'll die without food.."/  
  
  
  
Dimmed green eyes closed in agony for moments. The thin, translucent skin felt  
  
burned by the slight sunlight spilling through the lone window, and he edged away from it.  
  
  
  
/"But isn't that what you want, pathetic Subaru-kun?"/  
  
  
  
Did he want to burn?  
  
  
  
Seishirou's voice mumbling in his head seemed hurt, though his better judgment  
  
--which was the first to leave him-- would have decided this was untrue. But still..  
  
  
  
He had betrayed Seishirou-san.  
  
  
  
Subaru knew he had let him down and there was no getting around it. All he wanted  
  
to do was make Seishirou-san happy. But now he had lost his chance, piddling away  
  
the year they had been together with shut up desires and half finished sentences.  
  
  
  
Insignificant, really.  
  
  
  
The food had stopped coming about a week ago, when they had given up sending it  
  
or the deliverer was too repulsed by the smell to return. Subaru was suffocated by the  
  
nausea that engulfed his body, causing it to spasm violently over the hard wood floor.  
  
  
  
No, this wasn't beautiful at all; as Hokuto would say in some fleeting serious moment.  
  
She and he had always been considered rather beautiful by other people, dressed in  
  
kimono on a holiday making a pretty picture for everyone. Perhaps that was why he  
  
would never be enough to satisfy Seishirou-san, that was why when Subaru had  
  
had the strength to walk he had gone to see the veterinary clinic, and found it deserted  
  
as if years ago. As if Seishirou-san had never gotten the permission to exist with  
  
normal people. Only one had passed.  
  
  
  
He turned to the mirror to see the face Seishirou-san didn't love.  
  
  
  
Her eyes ticked time across the glass with fluid and inevitable movement, reaching  
  
Subaru's just in time to see a crimson stained lock of hair float gravely to the ground, the  
  
blood instead having no where to go mingled itself with his tears, falling down the ivory  
  
cheek like the weeping of some forgotten Madonna. Blood was thicker than just salt tears,  
  
and the reddened drops fell fast and quick, reaching ever further intensity as sobs  
  
racked Subaru's small frame.  
  
  
  
"Hokuto-chan.. stop.. stop.."  
  
  
  
/"I can't, Subaru."/  
  
  
  
/"I'm still here."/  
  
  
  
/"Why?"/  
  
  
  
Subaru repeated these words instantaneously back to her, a third party in the back of his  
  
thoughts asking him why Hokuto-chan had such a blank look on her face. Why did she look  
  
as empty and gaunt as he? Why did her eyes look so devoid of passion, the fire which had  
  
existed even until the last moments of her breath, a light sparkling there that looked faded  
  
and worn and dead.  
  
  
  
"Why do we look so wrong?"  
  
  
  
Fingertips slid over the silver cold surface, leaving a trail of human oils across the reflection.  
  
Marring Hokuto-chan's still perfect face.  
  
  
  
/"I hate you."/  
  
  
  
Dual voices echoing each other aroused his need to hurt. Bouncing off the walls and coming  
  
back to him, assuring him, just like the small voice there, that man in the sakura. Who kept  
  
him company in the dream world where everything was haunted by teachers, the family, and  
  
Hokuto? They would not leave him in peace. Everyone wants to know Subaru Sumeragi..  
  
everyone wants to know who you like, Subaru!  
  
  
  
"GODS, LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
  
  
/"Is that what you want, Subaru-chan?"/  
  
  
  
Drops of warm blood dripped.. dripped.. onto the beautiful picture of his beloved Hokuto-chan.  
  
With a strangled cry he kissed the hair--which would be so soft if real and touchable--inside  
  
the translucent glass, clutching it possessively to his cheek.  
  
  
  
/"Big sister will always take care of you, ne?"/  
  
  
  
"I love you so much, Hokuto-chan..!"  
  
  
  
For a moment Hokuto's smile returned to her, and Subaru's heart was filled with such joy he  
  
cried tears of relief. She smiled forever, it seemed, and he looked away to say again that he  
  
loved her and that they would always be together. /Big sister, and I./  
  
  
  
But when he looked again; and had not heard her lilting voice repeating back to him; and did  
  
not see her happy green eyes in that opposite place, Subaru saw only a cracked mirror. His  
  
large, empty apartment was dark and the fading burnt out orange and deep crimson reds  
  
shedding light through Tokyo only turned the glass to a cruel and sharper hue.  
  
  
  
All black.  
  
  
  
Panting shallowly Subaru tilted the reflection to one side and saw a blank, but lovely face  
  
framed there. It was not his well and alive sister Hokuto, and it wasn't the man he loved  
  
who he yearned to hold even now, but his own. Close cropped, sliced, bleeding.. he felt  
  
himself spill blood down into the intricacies of his low bangs, splitting slow and meticulously  
  
into shards and trickling lukewarm down his face. Still a pretty picture.  
  
  
  
Just him, Subaru, and no one else.  
  
  
  
"I killed you.."  
  
  
  
"I killed Hokuto-chan.."  
  
  
  
The voices who always assured him kept to his side and whispered anxiously that he was  
  
as ever, correct.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
FINITION PROVISOIRE  
  
  
  
  
  
One day, the author was looking in the mirror and wanted to chop the hell out of her  
  
pretty face. So she took Subaru-kun instead. 


End file.
